Not Good Enough
by HPandWforever
Summary: Sebastian's father is abusive and he doesn't deal with it that well, Hunter comes to the rescue. WARNING! SELF-HARM SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ACTIONS ABUSE/VIOLENCE(non-graphic) some swearing too Huntbastian (endgame) and lot's of Niff mentions boyxboy Rating for warnings and probably smut later on
1. Prologue

**So, another attempt at angst, Glee-verse this time. WARNING FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS! I know this doesn't seem very angsty at the moment, it probably doesn't even seem very good at the moment, but this fic is going to include self-harm and possibly suicidal thoughts/actions. If you think this might trigger anything, please don't read it, it really isn't that good to risk it.**

**Also, boy-on-boy action to come as well, so if you're not a fan of that this probably isn't a good idea either. :)**

**And now that I've taken up half the chapter with this intro, on with the story!**

* * *

**Prologue**

_'I don't care what it takes, if you're not 'fixed' by winter break, don't bother coming home.'_ With that the phone line went dead.

Sebastian stared at the phone in his hand. He knew his father didn't approve of his being gay, he voiced his opinion quite loudly on a regular basis. But this was the first time he'd threatened to throw him out because of it. There were 5 days left until term ended and Dalton sent its students home for the holidays. _What does he expect me to do? Find a girl stupid enough to believe I'm straight and get her to go out with me within the next 5 days?_ Sebastian had been dreading going home enough as it was, he really didn't need this extra stress. _So much for a quiet break._

'Hello? Earth to Sebastian, come in Seb.'

Completely lost in thought, Sebastian hadn't realised that Hunter was talking to him. 'Huh, what?'

'I asked you if you were ok. You looked like you kind of spaced out after that call.' Hunter looked slightly concerned for his roommate. 'Who was it anyway?'

'Oh, it was just my dad, reminding me how much fun the holidays are going to be.' Everyone knew Sebastian didn't get along with his dad, but nobody had any idea of how bad it actually was.

'Well at least you only have one annoying parent to go back to, I've still got two.'

Sebastian managed a small smile. 'Yeah, how are the lovely Mr and Mrs Clarington these days?'

'Same old, same old. The only reason they're still playing happy family is because 'divorce is frowned upon' in the higher class circles, apparently.' Hunter smirked and turned back to his books.

Having successfully deflected the subject, Sebastian relaxed a little.

* * *

Those five days seemed to pass in a blur and all too soon Sebastian was walking towards his car, suitcase in hand. After promising Hunter to keep in touch, even if it was just to let him know he was still alive, he got in his car and head off towards the airport.

He spent the entire plain-ride mentally preparing himself for when he was to meet his father outside the airport. As he finally came into view in the airport terminal, Sebastian put on his cockiest smirk.

'So, I take it you didn't straighten out since I last called you?'

'Well, it is pretty hard to find a nice girl in an all-boys school, but I'll be sure to make an effort now I'm back with my loving family.' Sarcasm was probably pushing it, but he was too stressed to care.

'Don't take that tone with me Sebastian, you're lucky I'm here at all.' And with that Robert Smythe turned around and walked towards the exit, not even checking if his son was following or not.

* * *

**Well, there you have it. This is the first time I've written something like this (self-harm etc.), so leave me a review and let me know if it's realistic. :)**


	2. Chapter 1: Reminders

**Chapter 1: Reminders**

Christmas came and went, along with the New Year and the rest of the holidays. Sebastian spent most of the time in his room, doing his homework and watching movies on his laptop.

Of course it wasn't possible to completely evade his father, and as expected, he paid dearly for his sarcastic comment at the airport. To be honest, he felt like he'd had worse. But usually it was just an isolated incident, not a repeating thing for an entire school break.

So when Sebastian finally got out of his car and walked into Dalton in the beginning of January, he heaved a great sigh of relief. Sure, maybe not everybody liked him there, he didn't have that many friends, but at least he was safe.

Dropping his suitcase in front of his wardrobe, Sebastian sat down on his bed with a slight wince. He just needed a little rest before having to do all that bending and lifting. He closed his eyes and gingerly leaned his back against the wall. Of course that was when Hunter came in.

'Holy shit! What the hell happened to you dude?' Hunter was stood in the doorway to their dorm, staring at Sebastian's face.

_Fuck!_ He'd forgotten about the black eye he'd received almost a week ago now. Every other part of his body hurt so much more that he hardly noticed it anymore. Apparently, Hunter did find it worthy of mentioning.

'Huh? Oh the eye. That's nothing, got into a bit of trouble when I went out last week. You should see the other guy.' Sebastian was quite pleased that he managed to sound so off-hand about all of it, he even gave his roommate a smirk and a rolled his eyes.

'I thought the plan was to take it easy over the holidays?' Hunter said with a grin, moving further into the room and starting to unpack.

'It was. Just so happens that my plans don't always work out as intended.' Sebastian sighed and started to get up. He knew Hunter would only start digging if he noticed Sebastian was stalling for time before he had to do anything even as remotely physical as unpack a suitcase. _Lacrosse is going to be a bitch tonight. Maybe I'll call it off, give everybody some time to settle back in. _Being the captain of the team had to have some benefits.

* * *

Sebastian spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with his fellow Warblers, who all seemed to be very disturbed by the fact that he had a black eye and could be so blasé about it. But once they got over the initial shock everything went back to normal, they even made a few jokes about what could have possibly gotten him into a situation like that.

That night, after a long, hot shower to get the ache out of his muscles, he fell onto his bed, utterly exhausted. Meaning to check the time on his phone, he noticed he had a message from his father: _'Don't think that because you're in a different state that I'm not watching you.'_

_Well isn't that nice?_ Feeling slightly apprehensive, he tried to find the least uncomfortable position to sleep in before he passed out, not bothering to turn off the lights.

He didn't even wake when Hunter walked in, grumbling quite loudly about something or other, and settled down for the night.

* * *

_**Ugh, yes I know, another short chapter. But I don't like jumping around a lot in my chapters unless it's really necessary, and it wasn't here. Next one should be a bit longer!**_

_**Also, I'm really sorry if I offended anyone by making him seem so uncaring about it, but some people just do that. Yes I'm talking from experience here. Leave a review with your thougts! :)**_


	3. Chapter 2: Apocalypse

**Small warning: many many swear words in this one. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Apocalypse**

The following morning Sebastian woke sore everywhere. Groaning, he slowly sat up, trying to give his body time to adjust. _Screw it, this isn't working._ He stumbled over to the bathroom, planning to have as long a shower as possible before Hunter woke up and booted him out of it. The warm water did wonders for his cramped muscles, soothing out most of the aches. After towelling dry, he gingerly got dressed as quickly as he could. He didn't want Hunter walking in on him and seeing all the bruises.

He grabbed his books, stuffed them in his bag and was out the door before Hunter even had the chance to bid him a good morning.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. He went to class, sat with the Warblers at lunch, had some more class and then Warblers practise. He managed to keep his mind off the text he had received from his father the night before for most of it, but once he got to lacrosse practise that went out the window.

Their next game wasn't for a month and because they'd all been away for almost 3 weeks, the coach just had them doing fitness exercises, and that left his mind free to wander wherever it wanted.

Usually Sebastian could stay relatively calm about what happened to him. Yeah, it sucked, but it was only during those times that he actually had to go home, he'd thought he'd gotten away from it all. But seeing that text had shattered that idea. Rationally, he knew his father wouldn't waste his time on coming to Ohio to make sure he was behaving like a good little boy, but then his father had never been a very rational man. The thought that he could just turn up anywhere made him break out in a cold sweat and start scanning the area for him.

He was so lost in his own mental horror show that he almost missed the whistle that announced practise was over. He lagged behind a bit while walking towards the changing rooms so he'd arrive as one of the last ones and therefore have to wait for a shower. Three days wasn't remotely enough to let the marks on his body disappear, and he really didn't want anyone asking questions. His eye had started enough rumours already.

* * *

The following days passed in much the same manner, Sebastian trying to keep his mind away from the images it would conjure up during idle moments. By the time Friday rolled around he had mostly gotten over the disturbing text he had received, and he wasn't as sore anymore either. It seemed things were starting to look up.

Of course, he should have learned by now that a happy Sebastian Smythe doesn't stay that way for very long.

He was walking back to his and Hunter's dorm after lacrosse practise when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Assuming it was another reminder from Hunter about the Warblers and Regionals, he opened the text without actually seeing who it was from.

_'I guess you're lucky that you still have an excuse to wear those long sweat suits for your lacrosse practise? By the way, you never told me you played.'_

Sebastian stopped dead in his tracks, eyes bugging out as he stared at his phone. _No! He can't be here!_ Now going into a full-on panic-attack he bolted down the halls toward his room. Completely ignoring Hunter's shocked cry, he headed straight for the bathroom and locked the door behind him before collapsing against it and crumbling to the floor. _Okay, okay, just breathe. He can't get to you here. Even if he got into the school there's no chance of him getting to this room, he's not going to find you._ Concentrating on taking deep breaths he didn't notice at first that Hunter was trying to get him to talk through the door.

'Seb? Seb, what's going on? Come on dude, whatever it is we can work it out.' Apparently Hunter hadn't noticed how distressed Sebastian really was, he'd just seen him streak by and lock the door behind him.

'Leave me alone, Hunt. You can't help me with this.'

Of course, hearing a nearly hysterical voice coming from right behind the door was probably kind of a give-away.

'Shit Seb, what the fuck happened to you? I thought you were just going to lacrosse practise?'

'I did go to lacrosse practise!' _This isn't helping! He'll barge down the door if you don't pull it together soon._

'You're really starting to scare me now, Seb. Just let me in so we can talk. Maybe I can help you with it.' Hunter was starting to sound genuinely worried.

'Just leave me the fuck alone Hunt! I already told you, there's nothing you can do to help!' With that he pulled his iPod out of his bag, curled up into a sobbing mess on the floor and tried to shut out the rest of the world.

* * *

_What the fuck?_

Hunter listened to Sebastian crying his heart out on the other side of the door. He could hear a faint melody as well, so he guessed that he must've put his earphones in.

In the four-and-a-half months that he had known Sebastian he had never seen him break down like that before. He didn't think he'd even seen him truly upset before. Angry he had seen plenty of times, drunk slightly less but still often enough, but honest-to-god crying had never happened before. He didn't know how to react to this. Obviously trying to talk to him hadn't worked, so he tried a different tactic. Maybe if he found out from someone else what had happened he might be able to help his friend.

He pulled out his phone and dialled one of the other Warblers who also played lacrosse. 'Hey Nick? Yeah, it's Hunter. Look d'you know if anything happened to Sebastian during practise today?'

_'Not that I can think of, he was fine when we left. Why? Is something wrong?'_

'Honestly? I have absolutely no idea of what's wrong with him. He just stormed in here and locked himself in the bathroom. Listen' He held out the phone towards the door, there was no chance that Nick couldn't hear the hysterical sobbing still coming from the other side. 'See what I mean? I don't know how to deal with this Nick.'

_'Shit, that sounds serious. Hell, forget how long you've known him, I've never seen or heard him like that before either.'_

'So what do I do? I already tried talking to him and he just screams at me to leave him alone. If he goes on for much longer I'm going to lose it over here.'

_'Sounds like he's already lost it.'_

'Not helping Nick. I can't get him to snap out of this if I don't know what caused it.'

_'Well, I honestly don't have a clue what could have happened. The last time I saw him was in the changing rooms after practise and he was fine then. Whatever it was must've happened on the way to the dorm.'_

'Okay, thanks anyway dude. But... Could you not mention this to the others? I'm pretty sure that if he doesn't feel like sharing with me that he doesn't want anyone else to know either. Just let me try to sort this out for now.'

_'Sure. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. Because honestly, Sebastian Smythe crying his eyes out on a bathroom floor sounds like the beginning of the Apocalypse to me.'_

'Yeah, I know. Look, I gotta go, it sounds like he's starting to calm down a bit in there.'

_'Okay, I'll see you around then. Keep me posted yeah?'_

'Sure thing. Thanks Nick.' Hunter hung up his phone and walked over to his desk. It did seem like Sebastian was starting to collect himself in there, but going by the way he could still hear the music sounding through the door he probably wouldn't hear him if he tried talking to him now anyway.

It took Sebastian another half hour to pull it together before he opened that door. Without looking up, he headed straight to his bed, curled up under the covers and faced the wall, effectively shutting Hunter out again.

* * *

'What the fuck?'

Hunter had just hung up on Nick and the latter was extremely confused. He looked over to his boyfriend sitting on his bed with him. They had been a bit busy when Hunter called and of course he had heard everything. 'Nobody hears about this, Jeff, it's his problem and if he doesn't want to tell anyone about it then we can't force him.'

'Course not Nicky, but we'll keep an eye on him right? Make sure nothing else happens to him?'

'Yeah, we will. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, and we protect our own.'

_But honestly, what in the name of all that is holy could have made Sebastian fucking Smythe break down like that?_

* * *

_**Hey, this one was quite long. I'm going to be really mean here and say that I need a review before I post the next chapter, but don't worry, just go write something in that lovely box below and you won't have long to wait. Just let me know what you think. :)**_


	4. Chapter 3: Avoidance

******Okay, slightly less swearing in this one. **

* * *

**Chapter 3: Avoidance**

They didn't talk about it.

Sebastian got up on Saturday and realised that he was still wearing his clothes from the day before. He noticed Hunter looking at him from behind his desk as he crossed the room to get some clothes before entering the bathroom to get himself cleaned up. Glancing into the mirror he saw that his eyes were red and puffy and they had bags under them. He looked like a mess, if he was honest with himself.

Once he had succeeded in slightly less resembling a train wreck he didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't stay in the dorm with Hunter all day, the tension would kill him. But he couldn't go outside either, he couldn't run the risk of his father actually being there. He ended up roaming the corridors for a bit before coming to the Warblers' practise room. After checking that nobody was inside he closed the doors behind him and sank into a couch. _What the fuck is wrong with me? Fine, he showed up where I thought he couldn't, but there's no chance that he's actually going to reach you here. You're surrounded by people all the time, and when you aren't he'd have to get through a lot of people to actually find you._ Sebastian realised that talking to himself like that probably wasn't a good sign but it was the only thing that calmed him down, if only for a little bit. Talking to himself like he was another person distanced himself from what was actually happening, it let him be a bit more objective.

He needed to get all of it out of his system, needed to forget about everyone and everything, if even for just a minute. He got up, connected his iPod to the speakers that were always present there, set it to a random shuffle and started to dance.

For a while it seemed to be working, he was completely focused on the music and the movements he was making to accompany it. He was absolutely lost in what he was doing and he kept at it for hours. At a certain point he must have been dancing with his eyes closed, but he had the entire room so memorised by then that he didn't bump into anything. The only reason he stopped was because it became apparent that he had an audience.

Upon hearing a throat being cleared behind him Sebastian jolted to a halt and turned around, using the remote on a nearby table to pause the music. Facing him were most of the Warblers who didn't go home during the weekends, most prominent among them were Hunter, Nick and Jeff. All of them seemed to be shocked to find him there like that.

'Uh... Can I help you guys with anything? I didn't realise we were practising during the weekends as well now.' He said, smirking at them. That seemed to snap them out of wherever they had collectively gotten to, Jeff even blushed.

Hunter was the first to recover and said, 'We... Uhm... We heard the music and came to see what was going on in here. We didn't mean to interrupt you.'

Sebastian suddenly realised that he was completely drenched in sweat, his hair matted and his shirt sticking to his body. 'Oh, well, I was just about to go for a shower. If you'll excuse me.' He pushed through the crowd and headed towards the stairs. But now that his mind was unoccupied once again, the topic he was trying to avoid returned at lightning speed. _Well, at least it worked for a little bit there._

When he entered the room he realised that in his haste he had left his phone lying on his bedside table that morning. He had one message: _'Come out, come out wherever you are.'_

* * *

'What the hell?'

'That's what I thought when I saw him dancing there.'

Hunter turned towards Nick, who had been the person to alert him to what Sebastian doing. 'How long were you standing there before you texted me?' He had been in the middle of going through his Calculus notes when he received a rather cryptic text from Nick. _'Warblers' Hall STAT! You might want to see this.'_ Upon arriving there he had found Nick and Jeff standing in the doorway, staring at a dancing Sebastian who looked like he wasn't even on the planet anymore, he was so spaced out.

'Well I might have lost track of time for a bit, but I'm guessing it was about a good half hour before I let you know, and he was already pretty sweaty when I got here.'

The rest of the Warblers had slightly dispersed by then, exchanging worried glances and talking quietly among themselves.

'I'm starting to get really worried here Hunter. First the hysterics last night and now this? Something's happened to him and unless we fix this soon, we're going to have a serious problem.'

'He doesn't want to talk about it. He didn't even give me the chance this morning and you saw how he acted just now.'

'Well, then I guess there isn't a whole lot we can do right now.' Nick sighed, echoing Hunter's thoughts. Unless Sebastian opened up to one of them, there really wasn't any way to solve this. They couldn't exactly force it out of him.

Heading back to the dorm Hunter mulled everything he knew -which wasn't a lot- over in his mind.

* * *

They didn't talk about it, but everybody knew something was wrong.

The Warblers who were present to see their ex-captain dance that morning quickly spread the word among those who weren't. And once they got back to practise on Monday evening some more changes became obvious. Sebastian clearly wasn't his usual self anymore. There were no more snarky remarks to get attention, no more sarcastic smirks -at least no convincing ones- no more demands for solo's, no more anything. It was like he just wanted to fade into the background. The trio trying to look out for him were becoming slightly frantic in their search for a way to get the old Sebastian back. This went on for a few weeks before something drastic appeared to have happened.

For Sebastian those weeks were his own special kind of torture. The texts were becoming more frequent, and as his father was in charge of all things money-related he didn't really have the choice to have his number changed or his father's blocked. He couldn't concentrate during class, he kept getting flashbacks of what had happened during Winter break, Nick, being vice-captain of the lacrosse team, took over for him when he started to lose focus there too. He convinced the team to let Sebastian off the hook for a bit, while he got his act together, or at least that was what Sebastian heard he had told them. It was obvious that Hunter wanted to talk to him about this so Sebastian started to avoid him. He couldn't tell anybody about what was happening to him, he couldn't bear to see the pity in their eyes, to be seen as even weaker than they already saw him. So he bottled it all up inside of him, shying away from all forms of conflict, lest it burst out before he could stop it.

But then all of a sudden the messages stopped coming. They had been up to twice a day and then they just stopped. Sebastian didn't know whether to be relieved for the break in psychological torture or worried that something worse was coming.

One day became two, two became three, and when on the fourth day the world still hadn't ended he started to relax a little again. His fellow Warblers noticed the change immediately, he was actually joining in on conversations again, he didn't zone out in class and his voice could be clearly heard during rehearsals for the first time in weeks.

On the fifth day he decided that if by that evening nothing had happened he would try to get back to his old self again. His internal struggles were still very much there, but he felt that if he didn't do something soon he would burst.

Afterwards, he would have preferred to burst.

* * *

**_AN: If I keep this up I'll have finished this by tomorrow. Or maybe I'll just write all of it and the update one day at a time. Let me know what you think! :)_**


	5. Chapter 4: Presents

******Okay, this actually really wasn't where I was planning on going with this fic, but I kind of switched my mind off and let the characters take control. **

**SERIOUS WARNINGS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER! Abuse, violence and pretty much everything from the summary except for the suicide bit. TRIGGERS! Please don't read it if you think it might be too much to handle.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Presents**

That evening Hunter walked into his dorm room to a sight he hadn't seen in a long time. Sebastian Smythe, dressed up and his hair styled meticulously, clearly getting ready for a night on the town.

'What's brought this on all of a sudden?' He wasn't entirely sure he could believe what he was seeing. It had been so long since he had seen even the slightest smile on Sebastian's face and now he was going out? Something had to have happened.

'I got bored with moping around, so I decided to do something about it.' Sebastian sent him one of his trademark smirks -another thing that hadn't happened in a while- and walked into the bathroom to make some adjustments to his hair.

The moment his Sebastian's back was turned Hunter whipped out his phone and sent Nick a text: _'Something's happened. He's acting normal again and he's going out tonight.'_ He didn't bother sending one to Jeff, he would be with Nick anyway.

The response was immediate. _'What do we do? We can't follow him, he'll see straight through that.'_

Hunter watched as Sebastian finished his hair, checked himself in the mirror and swept out of the room with a breezy 'Don't wait up for me, I don't know what time I'll be in.' As soon as he was out of the door Hunter had his phone against his ear. It only rang once on the other end before Nick picked up.

'_Any suggestions?'_

'Well he just told me not to wait up, so I think that's exactly what I'm going to do. It's not a great plan but the state he walks in tonight might be a hint towards what's been going on.'

_'We'll be right here if you need us, right Nicky?'_

_'Yeah, just give us a ring if you need some back-up or whatever.'_

'Okay, thanks guys. Even if I don't end up needing it I'll probably call you anyway, just to let you know he's back.'

_'Okay, talk to you later then. Bye!'_

'Bye guys.' Hunter hung up and sat down at his desk. If he was going to be up all night he might as well do something productive.

* * *

Sebastian was having the time of his life. He'd convinced himself to go out, but to stay on the (relatively) safe side, he'd stuck to Scandals for his first evening out again. He figured that since it was somewhere he had gone so often before the familiar atmosphere would soothe him, make it feel a bit like the routine it used to be.

And he was right, everything was going smoothly. He had a few drinks, danced with some guys and was thinking about calling it a night. He'd even shortly considered a quick a hook-up but had just as soon realised that he really wasn't up for that yet. He was on his way out when it happened.

He was headed towards the door when one of the guys standing there caught his attention. He was quite obviously drunk and was making some very graphic suggestions to every person that passed him, Sebastian was no different.

'Hey, what d'you say we head out back for a bit of fun, eh? I'll make it worth your while.' The man's breath was hot on Sebastian's ear and he smelled of alcohol.

Flashing him his most winning smile, Sebastian replied, 'No thank you, I've had enough fun for one night.' He strode off into the cool night air, but he hadn't made five steps towards his car when he was jerked quite brutally backwards. Someone had a hold on his shirt and was dragging him into the alley next to the club.

'Hey, let go of me! What the fuck do you think you're doing?'

As he was slammed into a wall he realised who the person that was dragging him along was. The drunk who had leered at him not two minutes ago was now pressed hard against him, blocking out all possible escapes.

'Oh come one, honey, don't be such a tease. We both know you want this.'

Sebastian was slightly starting to panic now. The guy was clearly a lot more muscular than him and he was backed up against a wall. Two months ago he would have been enjoying this, but a lot of things had changed since then.

'No, I'm quite sure that I just want to get back to my car now.' He was quite proud of the fact that his voice didn't shake in the slightest.

'Well, that's such a shame. Because I was really looking forward to this.' Drunk-dude leaned in even closer, his lips ghosting over Sebastian's earlobe.

'I'm sorry to disappoint you then, but this isn't going to happen.' He could feel Drunk-dude's erection pressing against his hip.

'Oh, no, you got me wrong. I meant it was a shame for you. There's no chance that I'm giving this up now that I've got my hands on you.'

He was right, he didn't give up. With one hand he forced Sebastian's hands up above his head, while the other started undoing both their pants, before spinning Sebastian with his face towards the wall. Afterwards he apparently decided that he hadn't humiliated Sebastian enough, so he added a few punches for good measure. The one thing Sebastian was grateful for was that nothing was done to his face. At least he wouldn't have to explain anything to Hunter in the morning.

Carefully getting back into his car, he just sat there for a while before he was able to start it and drive back to Dalton. His mind was spinning out of control, thoughts incoherent, each one cut off by the next before it could fully form in his head.

He made it all the way up to his room without being sick or passing out. Just as he stepped into his dorm his phone went off, as if on cue. If his mind hadn't been so addled by what had happened he would've probably seen it coming. But as it was, he opened the text without really thinking about it, not believing things could actually get any worse.

_'Did you enjoy my present? That's what you get for being such a disgusting little fag.'_

Dropping his phone, Sebastian barely made it to the toilet in time. He heaved up what felt like everything he'd ever eaten and still his stomach wasn't settled. After spending fifteen minutes with his head inside the toilet he decided that maybe he wasn't going to be sick again. He must've woken Hunter up with all his retching, because he was standing in the doorway, looking very concerned. That was when he stepped fully-clothed into the shower. He didn't care that Hunter was watching, he felt like he would never be clean again.

* * *

Hunter watched as Sebastian threw up again and again. As he began to move towards the shower Hunter surreptitiously sent Nick a message: _'Back-up NOW!'_

Within instants Jeff and Nick were inside the room, but he gestured behind his back for them to stay out of sight for a minute. He watched as Sebastian got into the shower without even taking his clothes off. After about five minutes of standing there waiting for Sebastian to do something Hunter decided it was time to help. He gently moved towards the shower, making sure to make no sudden movements, but he didn't even get close. The moment he came within four feet of him Sebastian pressed himself into the back of the shower and started mumbling. 'Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me.' Repeating and repeating it as if it were some kind of plea.

Hunter immediately backed off and said in as quiet a voice he could manage, 'Okay, Seb, don't worry. I won't touch you. I promise I'm not trying to hurt you. But you need to get out of those clothes if you're going to take a shower.'

Upon hearing that Sebastian flinched quite visibly and started mumbling again. 'You can't make me, please don't touch me. You can't make me, please don't touch me.'

'Okay, calm down Seb. I promise I'm not going to make you do anything, okay? I'll go back into the room to give you some time, but I'm going to check up on you in a few minutes to see if you're doing alright, okay?' Hunter waited until Sebastian gave a jerky nod before stepping backwards into the room where Nick and Jeff were waiting.

'This is bad guys, something's seriously wrong with him.' He said in a low voice, trying to make sure Sebastian couldn't hear him in the other room.

'You don't say.' Nick looked like he was going into shock.

'Nicky, come look at this.' Jeff had picked up Sebastian's phone from where it had fallen to the floor.

'His phone went off just before he headed into the bathroom and puked up everything he had in him.' Hunter explained. 'Why, is there something on there?'

Jeff was looking confused, but when Nick saw the phone his eyes nearly fell out of his head. 'I think I'm gonna be sick.'

'What is it?' Hunter rushed over to get a look at what was lighting up the screen. It was a picture of Sebastian and some seriously toned guy in an alleyway, pressed up against the wall. When he read the caption, Hunter wasn't feeling to good himself. 'Who's it from?' he asked in a shaky voice. _What kind of sick person would do that?_

'It's from his Dad.'

Hearing those words coming out of Jeff's mouth, Hunter really was sick. He flung himself at the waste basket sitting next to his desk and loudly emptied his stomach. 'What- what kind of psychopath does that to their own son?'

He didn't get an answer. Nick had run across the hall to be sick in his own room and Jeff looked like he'd been shot. He just kept staring at the screen as though he couldn't take it in. Hunter's mind couldn't really process it either. _What the fuck has to go wrong inside your head for you to do that to your child?_

Slowly regaining his composure, he got to his feet. 'Jeff? Why don't you go check on Nick while I see how Sebastian's doing? I don't think he can handle too many people at once now.'

Jeff just nodded and set the phone down on the bedside table before walking out, still looking like he wasn't really aware of what he was doing.

When Hunter looked into the bathroom to check on Sebastian he found him still standing in exactly the same spot, as if he hadn't moved an inch the entire time.

* * *

Sebastian wasn't really aware of what was happening around him after Hunter left the room. He'd promised not to hurt him and he was going to come back in to check on him. He forced his mind to stay focused on that, afraid of where it might wander if he didn't force it somewhere.

He was quite surprised when Hunter was suddenly standing in front of him again, and jerked back before he could stop himself. Hunter seemed to notice his reaction and stopped moving closer.

'Okay, Seb, now don't panic.' Hunter was talking in a very soothing voice. 'I realise that you might not want anyone near you right now, and that's perfectly okay, but we need to get you out of those clothes or you're going to get ill. Nod if you understand me.'

Sebastian just stared. He wanted him to take his clothes off? He couldn't do that. He couldn't let them see him like this, and he definitely couldn't let Hunter see what was under his shirt.

'Please Seb, I need you to understand. I really don't want to do this, but I don't want you to get ill either. So just let me help you and then we can get you to bed, okay?'

Alarm bells started to go off in Sebastian's brain at that sentence. The only things that really registered were 'clothes off' and 'bed'. He tried to push himself even further back into the wall, not even realising he was chanting again. 'Please don't touch me. Please don't touch me. Please don't touch me.'

'Sshh, Seb it's going to be okay. I didn't mean it like that. Just calm down please. I already promised that I wasn't going to touch you if you don't want me to.'

Sebastian nodded his understanding. _He's not going to touch me._

'Okay, now I need you to really listen to what I'm saying here.' Another nod. 'I promise I'm not going to touch you, and I won't even look if that's what you need, but if you don't get out of those clothes you are going to get ill. And that's the last thing any of us want, isn't it.' Another nod.

Hunter heaved a sigh, possibly in relief. 'Okay, now I'm going to get you some pyjama's from the room and when I come back I'll turn around so you can get undressed and hand me those clothes.' Another nod. 'Okay, I'll be right back.'

* * *

When Hunter walked back into the room he found Nick and Jeff waiting there, staying out of sight so they wouldn't freak Sebastian out.

'How's he doing?' Jeff asked quietly as Hunter moved to get some slacks out of a drawer on Sebastian's side of the room.

'Marginally better. At least he acknowledges me now.' The other two let out twin sighs of relief. 'Look, you've got to get out of here. I'm going to get him into bed and stay with him until he falls asleep, unlikely as that may seem at the moment. I'll update you in the morning.' With that he strode back into the bathroom to help his roommate.

He laid out a towel and the slacks within easy reach of the shower and made sure Sebastian saw them before firmly turning his back to him and holding his hands tilted backwards, in case he needed to hold on to something.

Once that ordeal was over, getting him into bed wasn't as difficult as he expected. He tucked the taller boy under his blankets and asked him if he needed anything else.

'Just stay' was all Sebastian managed to get out, but it was more than enough for Hunter to understand. He cautiously lay down on top of the blankets next to Sebastian and wrapped his arms as comfortingly around him as possible.

It took a while for Sebastian to relax in his arms, but shortly after he did he drifted off to sleep. Hunter lay awake for a long time, making sure the other boy wasn't having nightmares or didn't wake up to find a strange boy in his bed. When he was sure Sebastian was fast asleep and didn't look like waking up any time soon he allowed himself to sleep as well.

* * *

**_AN: Wow, this was seriously the most gut-wrenching thing I have ever written. I honestly don't know where all of that came from, and I sincerely apologise if this isn't realistic. I was just going with the muses here._**

**_Also, yes I did mean for Sebastian to be very distant about everything. It fits in with the rest of the story so far and it's just how he is in my mind._**

**_Please let me know what you thought of this, it's probably one of the most important chapters of the entire fic._**


	6. Chapter 5: Waking Up

******Okay, this is really just a short fluffly inbetweener, but I felt it was needed after the previous chapter, and I needed some serious relationship development. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Waking Up**

When Sebastian woke up the next day the first thing he thought was: _Please let it have been a nightmare._ However, when he felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around himself he almost had a panic attack. Jerking up and turning around at the same time, he almost fell out of the bed. The only things that stopped him from crashing to the ground were Hunter's arms tightening around him instinctively.

He looked down into his roommates face and found all his worst fears confirmed there. The look of pure sorrow on Hunter's face was almost too much for Sebastian to handle. He could feel himself breaking down again, and this time there was no chance of hiding in the bathroom and trying to shut out the world. Hunter must have seen something in his face because the next instant he had Sebastian cradled against his chest, murmuring soothing words into his ear.

'Sshh, hey, it's alright. Nobody's ever going to hurt you again, I'll make sure of it. Just relax, we'll figure something out.'

And being held there against his best friend's chest, listening to everything Hunter was saying, did seem to have a calming effect on Sebastian. He felt himself release tensed muscles, moving to fit perfectly in those strong arms. But as he let go he could feel the tears starting to well up. It wasn't long before he was a sobbing mess, and Hunter became the only thing holding him up, holding him together.

Sebastian didn't know how long he spent weeping into Hunter's chest, but it took a while before his tears finally dried. After wiping his face for the last time he carefully looked up into those beautiful eyes that he had always admired. He opened his mouth to ask something, anything, but he couldn't get a word out. He just looked up and willed his roommate to understand.

Of course he did. 'It's all going to be alright. This is never going to happen again, I don't care if I have to spend my every waking moment with you, nobody is ever going to do that to you again.'

Sebastian just nodded, unable to convey his gratitude any other way. He leaned his face into Hunter's shoulder and sighed.

'You still tired?' Sebastian nodded again. He didn't trust his voice to work yet, after all that crying.

'Okay, just go back to sleep then. I'll be right here if you need me.'

With that Sebastian lay back down, snuggled his back into Hunter's chest, and drifted back off to sleep.

* * *

Hunter realised that he probably wasn't going anywhere soon as he felt Sebastian fall asleep in his arms, so, once he was sure Sebastian was fast asleep, he sent Nick a quick text that they could come over if they were extremely quiet and careful about it.

Not two seconds later he and Jeff were tiptoeing into the room. They gave a slight start when they saw Hunter wrapped around Sebastian like that, but remembered just in time to keep it quiet.

'What the hell?' Nick was clearly confused with the entire situation.

Hunter gave them a quick run-down of what happened after they left the night before and how Sebastian apparently trusted him enough to actually touch him.

'I know it probably sounds weird, but can you blame him for wanting some actual, heart-felt human contact right now? He's probably scared shitless, and if me holding him while he sleeps helps him be a little less scared then I'm willing to spend the rest of my life like this. What those monsters did to him makes my stomach turn, but right now he needs me more than I need to find them.'

He saw the other two exchange glances before turning back to face him.

'I think we all agree on that, but how do we make sure he's going to be alright? He trusts you, yeah, but you can't be with him twenty-four/seven. He's got to go to his own classes and stuff as well. What if he can't handle anyone else coming near him?'

Hunter frowned at Nick, trying to find an answer to all those problems that hadn't occurred to him yet. 'It's only Saturday today, we'll see how it goes tomorrow and take it from there.'

Jeff had been staring at Sebastian's face most of the time, probably trying to be ready in case he woke up, but at that he spoke up. 'Okay, but let him know we're here for him too right? He needs to know he has some friends to support him.'

'Of course, never crossed my mind to do otherwise.'

'Right. Well, we'll be going then, let you get some rest, because honestly you look like crap Hunt.' He got to his feet, pulling Nick up with him. 'See you later Hunt.'

'See you soon guys.'

After making sure Sebastian was still sound asleep, Hunter lay his head down on the pillow and slowly drifted off to sleep as well.

* * *

_**AN: We'll be going back to angst after this, but I really needed this after the monster of 'Presents'. Drop me a review with your thoughts. :)**_


	7. Chapter 6: How It Begins

******Ugh, this chapter took ****_forever_****! I've been wrestling with for two days and I'm still not happy with how it turned out. I apologise that it isn't up to the standard of the previous ones, but it isn't going to get any better. Sorry.**

**Also warning for some graphic language further along.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: How It Begins**

The next time Sebastian woke up he remembered why he had Hunter's arms around him. He could hear the other boy breathing deeply behind him and realised he was still asleep. He didn't want to disturb the one person who had actually looked out for him so he just lay there thinking for a while. _It's all my fault. If it weren't for me Hunter wouldn't be worrying about me, _he _wouldn't be doing this and I wouldn't be in this mess. It's all because of me._

As he was sinking further and further into despair he felt the arms around him tighten slightly. Hunter leaned over his shoulder, and looked a bit worried when he saw Sebastian was awake. 'I didn't wake you, did I?'

'No I was already awake.' Sebastian tried to twist around so he could look at Hunter but gave up when he felt pain shoot across his ribs. He lay back down with a hiss, closing his eyes tightly and waiting for it to pass.

'What's wrong?'

'N- Nothing' he said through clenched teeth. 'Just... Just give me a sec, yeah?'

As the pain slowly subsided Sebastian opened his eyes to find Hunter staring at him, a concerned look on his face. 'Did- Christ, how do I say this? Did he hurt you?'

Sebastian opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. _What? I thought he knew. No, don't make me explain this, I can't handle that. He said he understood!_ Images flashed across his mind, things that he never wanted to think about again. _The look on that guy's face when he said he wasn't giving up. The smell of his breath when he leaned in close._ His thoughts were probably visible on his face, because the next instant Hunter was gushing out apologies.

'No, I didn't mean like that. Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to remind you. Shit. Seb, I'm sorry, please don't start panicking. It's alright, you're safe here.'

_The feel of that hand pressed against his back, holding him in place. That other hand reaching around and groping him as filth was being whispered into his ear. The shock as he felt that first punch to his gut, realising that it wasn't over yet._

'Seb? Sebastian? Come on, snap out of it. Nobody's going to hurt you. I just need you to calm down for a minute.'

Sebastian hadn't noticed that he was now curled up into a ball on the bed, muttering again. 'Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me.' But once he did he shut his mouth with a click and tried to relax. He forced himself to focus on the sound of Hunter's voice, the feel of the soft mattress beneath him and slowly breathing in and out. But after letting those thoughts back into his mind the feeling of being unclean returned. He started to get up, ignoring the pain in his abdomen. 'I need a shower.' He said quietly, not looking at Hunter. He grabbed the first clothes he could find in his closet and hobbled into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

* * *

_Way to go Hunt. Send him into a panic-attack, why not?_

Hunter stared at the door from where he was still lying on the bed, not quite sure of what exactly had just happened. The sound of water running pulled him out of his reverie and he got up, a bit stiff from lying on his side all night. He checked his watch and saw that it was almost lunch time. _Well there go my plans for today._ He immediately chastised himself for thinking like that. His best friend had just gone through something terrible, clearly needed his help, and he was thinking about getting behind on schoolwork?

A slightly more pressing matter claimed his attention just then and he got up and crossed the hall to Nick and Jeff's room. He knocked on the door and waited about two seconds before going in. He found both of them behind their desks, Nick halfway out of his seat to answer the door. 'Sorry guys, I really need the bathroom and Seb's locked himself in ours again.' With that he rushed across the room and practically slammed the door behind him in his haste.

Emerging a few minutes later he saw that both boys had returned to their studying. 'Sorry about that, but he locked the door and I'm pretty sure that me trying to barge in there right now wouldn't have the best effect.'

'It's fine, we understand. Jeff and I were just wondering if we should come check up on you, seeing as you're both such early birds and it's almost lunch.'

'Yeah, last night seems to have exhausted us both.' Hunter sighed. They all stared around the room for a bit, thinking back to the events of the previous night. Hunter still couldn't believe someone could actually do that to their own flesh and blood.

Nick recovered first, 'Look we still need to find out if he can actually handle people coming near him. It won't help him if he freaks out at Warblers practise tomorrow.'

'Right. What about this? I'll take him down for lunch in a few minutes or something, we'll sit by ourselves and then you come see if he'll let you sit with us.' Seeing the looks on the others' faces he added, 'Yes I know it's lame but it's the only thing I can think of that if it _does_ freak him out, we'll all be around to handle it without him having a giant audience.'

'Okay, I guess we've got a plan.' Jeff said, glancing at Nick.

'I don't suppose there are any other options. At least, I can't think of any.'

Glad they were cooperating, Hunter said, 'See you in a bit then, I'll go check if he's out of the shower yet.'

When he walked back into the room he shared with Sebastian he noticed that he couldn't hear any water running, but when he checked the door it was still locked. _Stop freaking out, he's probably still getting dressed or something._ But just to be sure he knocked and tentatively asked, 'Seb? Are you okay in there?'

* * *

Sebastian gave a start when he heard Hunter's voice coming from the other side of the door.

He had been staring at the dark bruises on his chest and abdomen and his voice was a bit shaky as he answered. 'Yes, I'm fine. I'll be out in a bit.' Getting dressed as fast as he could while trying to avoid any painful movements wasn't particularly easy, but a few minutes later he unlocked the door to find Hunter sitting in his desk chair, clearly waiting for him.

'I'm sorry if you were waiting to get in there, I didn't mean to take so long.'

'It's fine. I'll just be a few minutes and then we can go down to lunch, yeah?' Sebastian watched as Hunter quickly brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair.

The walk down to the cafeteria was awkward to say the least. Sebastian knew Hunter would want to talk about things, but he also knew Hunter would never make him do that where someone else might overhear. And he wasn't even sure if he was ready to talk about that yet. He wanted to shove it into a dark corner of his mind and never have to think about it again. He was surprised when he saw Hunter sit down in the chair next to the one he was holding -if there was a choice Hunter usually sat at the opposite side- but he didn't say anything of it. _There's probably a very rational explanation for it, stop freaking out! _Sitting down with a wince, he started to pick at the food on his plate.

They spent the first few minutes of their meal in the same awkward silence before Hunter cleared his throat, 'So, any ideas for Regionals? We'll have to have something mind-blowing lined up.'

Sebastian was glad Hunter went for such an easy topic, now he could just go along with whatever the captain was saying without actually having to think about too much.

It wasn't long before Sebastian realised that Hunter wasn't really paying much attention to the conversation either. He was looking in the direction of the Nick and Jeff, who were slowly but surely making their way over to them. _Okay, calm down. You talk to them all the time, they're not going to know anything's wrong if you don't act out of the ordinary._ But what was ordinary now? The old, sarcastic and snarky Sebastian or the Sebastian of the past few weeks, who did everything he could to blend into the crowd and not be noticed? He didn't know how to react and before he knew it they were at the table, talking to him.

'Uh... Sebastian? Are you okay dude?' Nick was peering at him, a worried look in his eyes.

'Huh? Yeah, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?'

'Well you kind of zoned out for a bit. You sure there's nothing wrong?'

'I already said there wasn't, not that I get why it would be any of your business.' Sebastian said in a clipped tone.

'Hey calm down, I was just asking a question. Relax, I won't do it again.' Nick exchanged glances with Jeff and Hunter before sitting down across from him and next to Jeff.

Sebastian sighed. He knew he was out of line. Nick didn't know what was going on, he couldn't help it if his questions made Sebastian think about things he'd rather not. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just a bit stressed.' He returned to his lunch, hoping Nick would drop the subject. No such luck, however.

'It's fine, I get it. Everyone's stressed about Regional's and stuff coming up. But if you ever need to, you know, talk or whatever, me and Jeff are just across the hall. Drop in whenever you like.'

Sebastian looked up, surprised at how calmly Nick seemed to be taking his outburst. 'Yeah, sure, whatever.' He turned back to his food. _He doesn't know, does he? You can't read it off of my face that- _Sebastian cut off that line of thought before it went anywhere dangerous. He observed Jeff and Hunter out of the corner of his eye, talking about football, completely absorbed in their own conversation. _No, Jeff doesn't look like he suspects anything. It's just Nick trying to be nice. They don't know what kind of a push-over I am._ Because, if you looked at it rationally, he was a push-over. He'd let his father take over his life, and when he'd tried to push back, _that_ had happened. And now he was letting Hunter decide what they were doing and try to be all helpful so Sebastian could continue to wallow in his own self-pity. _Christ, I'm pathetic. What am I even still doing here? I'd probably do them all a favour if I wasn't around._ Sinking further and further into his own personal bubble of despair, he didn't notice the others at the table throw him worried looks from time to time.

After a while he just couldn't take it anymore. Standing up with a hasty, 'I'll see you guys later.' he rushed out of the cafeteria.

* * *

'Well that went smoothly.'

Hunter pulled his gaze away from the door Sebastian had just disappeared through and looked at Jeff. 'If that was supposed to be sarcasm, you failed miserably.'

'No, seriously, look at it from this point. He let us sit with him, he kind of had a conversation with Nick and he did actually eat something. I'd say that's progress compared to what you said he was like last night or this morning.'

Hunter considered what Jeff was saying. He'd been keeping an eye on Sebastian throughout the meal and he had to admit that, to an outsider, Sebastian probably just looked a bit stressed or tired. But he had also seen him flinch subconsciously whenever Nick or Jeff reached over to grab something from his part of the table, or how he never looked anyone in the eye, or how he kept shifting around in his seat. He shared his concerns with the other two.

Nick seemed to take offence at the last one, however. 'Well of course he kept shifting around. If you'd had _that_ done to you, you wouldn't be sitting comfortable either, I can promise you that.'

'Yeah okay, that was stupid of me, but what about the rest? He's got to be losing it and I don't know how to help with this.'

They were quiet for a long time, finishing their meals. They had walked through two corridors and were on their way outside before someone spoke up.

'What if he doesn't want your help? I'm not saying we should abandon him, but maybe we should just back off for a bit, let him try to settle things in his own mind before we start drowning him in affection.'

'Drown him in affection?' Hunter hissed, trying to keep his voice down, it wouldn't be helpful if the entire student population found out about this. 'For fuck's sake Nick, the guy's just been _raped_! He's had someone else's dick shoved up his ass, been beaten up and then tossed aside like a piece of meat! I don't know about you, but if it were me I could use some affection at that point.'

'I'm not saying he doesn't need to be looked after, but it isn't going to help him if you try to make him adjust before he's ready for it. Let him try to process what's happened for himself and _then_ give him what he needs. You're only going to make things worse if you don't know what exactly he wants from you.'

Hunter opened his mouth to retaliate, but Jeff beat him to it. 'I think what Nick's trying to say is, let him come to you with his problems. Show him you'll be there for him no matter what, but don't try to make him talk to you. He'll do that when he's ready for it and you can't know when that's going to be, so just don't try to push it. Right Nick?'

'Exactly.'

Hunter sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. 'Well if you put it like that. So, I just sit there and do nothing? Doesn't sound very helpful.'

'It probably isn't,' Jeff pointed out, 'but it's the only thing we can do that isn't forcing him into anything and I'm pretty sure he's had enough of that to last a lifetime.'

'When did you become so observant?' Nick asked his boyfriend with a smile.

'I have my moments.' Jeff grinned back at him, leaning in for a small kiss.

'Well as adorable as you two are, I'm going to go start that essay I should've been doing this morning before disaster struck.' Hunter left with a grin and headed inside again, hoping Sebastian was in their room so at least he'd know he wasn't getting into trouble somewhere.

* * *

Sebastian wasn't in the room, but he wasn't getting into trouble either.

He was wandering the grounds of Dalton, lost in thought. He'd thought about going back to the dorm, but the idea of being stuck in that room all day repelled him. Yes, his father could be watching him, but after the previous night, how could it possibly get any worse?

He walked for hours, trying to digest everything, but the only conclusion he could come up with was that it was all his fault. It was his fault his father was treating him like this, if he weren't gay it wouldn't be happening. It was his fault Hunter was getting behind on his studies by looking out for him -he'd noticed the mountain of homework sitting on the other boy's desk and he knew he usually spent his weekend catching up- if he wasn't so pathetic that wouldn't be happening either. It was all his fault and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He couldn't stop being gay, so his father wasn't going to stop. And if he didn't stop there was no chance that Sebastian would get over it and let Hunter get back to his own life. In the end he just gave up and started to head back towards the dorm building, not noticing he was being watched from a short distance.

* * *

**_AN: So, what do you guys think? Was it worth all the struggle or should I just give up now? ;)_**

**_Drop a comment in that box below!_**


	8. Chapter 8: Accidents

**Sooo, I'm back! I really have to apologise for the two-month delay on this chapter, life has been kind of messed up. Like, regular-trips-to-the-hospital-for-as-yet-unknown-r easons messed up. But here I am! New chapter, lots of angstiness. (For more notes, see end of chapter.)**

**WARNING: CONTAINS TRIGGERING CONTENT! Don't read if you're not capable of handling it!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee! If I did, the Warblers would get their own show.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Accidents**

The rest of the weekend passed in the same manner. Sebastian avoided everyone as much as he could, and tried to ignore the voices in his head. Hunter spent most of it in their dorm room, making sure he was around for when Sebastian decided to open up and catching up on his school work. And Nick and Jeff used 'staying nearby' as the perfect excuse to lock themselves in their room and not come out till Monday morning.

The first time it happened it was an accident.

When Sebastian woke up on Monday he had the feeling that it wasn't going to be a good day. He was still sore from being beaten up and took more time than he planned to in the bathroom so he ended up having to skip breakfast to get to class on time.

During lunch his lacrosse coach pulled him into his office to have a talk. He said he'd tried to look past the way Sebastian had been acting that month, but they had a game that weekend and couldn't afford to lose it. So Sebastian got benched.

His afternoon classes weren't much better. He was hardly paying attention and of course that was the day that all the teachers decided to be dicks about it. He could hardly concentrate on his homework and by the time dinner rolled around he was absolutely sick of just about everything.

'Hey Seb, are you coming?'

He was standing in the bathroom again –_how the hell do I always end up in here? -_ and Hunter was outside waiting for him so they could go down to dinner together.

'I'm not that hungry, Hunt, you just go ahead without me.'

'Are you sure? You're not sick or something, right?'

'Christ Hunter, just because I don't feel like having dinner doesn't mean I'm going to fucking break or something! Go the fuck to dinner, I'll be right here when you get back!'

Hunter didn't answer, but after a moment Sebastian heard a door open and close. He stared into the mirror, wondering how he could be so beaten up and broken on the inside but still look perfectly fine on the outside. _I probably shouldn't have yelled at Hunter like that, he's only looking out for me. Too late now, I'll apologise when he gets back._

_That's assuming he still wants to talk to you when he gets back._

_Of course he'll still want to talk to you, he's not going to abandon you for a tiny outburst like that._

_True, but what about next time? If you keep taking shit out on him he's not going to stick around forever._

'Oh for fuck's sake!' Somehow saying those words out loud seemed wrong after the silent conversation he'd been having with himself. And if talking to himself wasn't a sign that he was going crazy, Sebastian didn't know what was.

In an effort to not go completely crazy, Sebastian closed his eyes and did what he always did when he wanted to take out his frustration, he punched something. Of course, he had forgotten about the mirror hanging in front of him.

'Fuck!'

And of course that was when Hunter walked in.

* * *

Hunter was just opening the door to his and Sebastian's room when he heard a crash from the bathroom, followed by a muted 'fuck!'. Hurriedly crossing the room and opening the door he came face to face with his roommate, who was standing in front of the remains of their mirror and cradling a bleeding arm to his chest.

'What the hell happened?'

'I got angry and I went to punch the wall. Forgot about the mirror being between me and the wall, though.'

'Right. Okay, let's just get you to the nurse and I'll clean this up later.'

* * *

The trip to the nurse was less than pleasant, in Sebastian's opinion. First there was Hunter freaking out the entire time it took them to get downstairs and into the office. Then when they actually got there the nurse had her own freak out moment, because Sebastian apparently couldn't catch a break that day and had a nasty gash on his arm that looked like he had done it himself. He spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain to a sceptic a nurse and an almost hyperventilating roommate – seriously, didn't they teach you to handle blood in a _military academy_?- that he wasn't suicidal, it really was just a frustration-induced accident, and didn't need to be kept in the nurse's office so it didn't happen again.

_Thank God that's over._ Once they made it back to their dorm room, Sebastian flopped down onto his bed, making sure not to land on his injured arm, while Hunter cleaned up the glass in the bathroom. Glancing at the bandage on his arm - _that's going to be fun to explain in the morning_- Sebastian sighed, wondering if everyone was going to come to the same conclusion that nurse Ramsey had.

* * *

The second time it happened it was out of curiosity.

It was a few days later and Sebastian was sitting at his desk, looking at a shard of glass he had found on the floor. It was probably a piece of mirror that had fallen unnoticed when Hunter was cleaning up.

It had been a bad couple of days. He'd had a few messages along the lines of 'I'm watching you' and he was still having trouble with his classes and lacrosse. So then there he was, sitting at his desk, wondering what it would be like if he _had_ cut his arm on purpose. The first minute or so he'd been silently freaking out –he wasn't depressed, he wasn't suicidal, he didn't feel like the world was ending, so why was he staring at something and thinking about using to slice his skin open?- but the other 19 minutes since then had been strangely calm. He'd realised that just because he wasn't depressed, that didn't mean that he couldn't be curious about it. It being dragging a piece across his arm and watching the blood come out. _Why not? It's not like I'm going to kill myself. If I do it on the same arm I can even keep it under the same bandage. No one will have to know._

After another few minutes of silently weighing up the reasons not to do it, and all of them falling short, he decided that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do it where anyone could just walk in. He was lucky enough that Hunter hadn't come back from his run yet and found him.

He made his way into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He lowered the lid on the toilet, sat himself down and before he could stop himself, he made a cut about halfway between his elbow and his hand.

'Son of a bitch!' Sebastian launched himself off of his seat and towards the sink. He yanked open the cold water and thrust his arm under it. 'What the fuck is wrong with me?! Seriously, how bloody fucking stupid do you have to be to not realise that shit is going to hurt?!' While he was ranting at himself, Sebastian bent down to grab the first aid kit from under the sink.

After securely wrapping his arm in a bandage and cleaning up the blood that had gotten on the floor before he made it to sink he went back into the bedroom and sat down at his desk. _Okay, I think I can safely say 'Experiment failed'. Never doing that again. Fucking Christ, I'm going to be feeling this for days!_

With that, he grabbed his bag and set to work on his homework, resolving to just ignore the sting every time he moved his arm.

* * *

The third time it happened it wasn't either of those things.

He was right, he felt the results of his little experiment for days afterwards, although he did manage to find an upside to it. Over the course of the next days, Sebastian figured out that whenever he was starting to get seriously pissed off about something and in danger of doing something ridiculously stupid, he could just put pressure on the cut on his arm instead and that would serve as an immediate distraction. Like when one of his teachers was yelling at him again, or Hunter was being over-protective, or when Jeff or Nick were throwing him weird looks during Warblers practice.

And that's how Sebastian found himself, once again, hunched over his bathroom sink. It had been a week since he had deliberately cut himself and his arm was almost completely healed. It definitely didn't hurt when he pressed it anymore.

So there he was, staring at his own reflection, mentally arguing with himself if he should do it again. On the one hand, it could lead to serious issues. What if he cut too deep? What if someone found out? They would say he was suicidal and send him to some kind of psych ward or something. He'd forever be known as 'the guy who tried to kill himself but failed' when that wasn't even close to what was happening. Or it could get infected and make him sick. Or...

But on the other hand, it would give him a way to deal with stuff without being set detention or being sent to the dean. Nobody would find about it if he was smart about where he cut and when he took his clothes off. And it would give him a release. He didn't even dare admit it to himself for fear of what it might mean, but if he was honest, once he got past the pain of the cut itself it wasn't that bad. And...

He'd thrown out the piece of mirror after 'the experiment', but he supposed that as long as he was careful a razor would work just a well. He'd have to make very sure not to put too much pressure on it, it was a lot sharper than a shard of glass.

After psyching himself up for a few minutes –_I'm actually going to do this, what the fuck is wrong with me? _- he gently dragged the blade across his arm. He was expecting the sting that time, but he still swore gently as he held his arm under the cold stream before putting some pressure on it.

Once he had finished wrapping up his arm, he rolled down his sleeve, donned his blazer and walked out the door to find Hunter waiting for him to go down to dinner.

'Ready to go?'

'Yeah, just let me grab my phone.'

Walking out the door with his roommate, all Sebastian could think was _Fuck, I am so screwed._

* * *

**_AN: Well, this chapter didn't really turn out like I expected, but oh well. We're now about halfway through my 10-sentence storyline, so it could be another 10K words, could be a lot more, depends on how stuff comes out._**

**_Also, if you're offended by anything in this/a previous chapter, let me know! Everyone handles things differently, and I absolutely do not mean to seem condescending or distant or whatever about issues like this. I'm going off of my experiences and imagination and what people have told me about how they handled their own self-harm. I'm here if you want/need to talk._**

**_Final note before I start begging for reviews. For some insane reason I've entered into the Sebklaine Bang on Tumblr and am in the process of writing a Kurtbastian 'What Women Want' AU, so updates shall depend on what kind of day it has been and if I can actually handle writing angst._**

**_Reviews are love!_**


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